Can't Even


I’ve been busy revising an essay about my father’s funeral and have been feeling under appreciated and emotionally drained, all while trying to get stuff done. As per the last two posts, I am failing on all fronts, but failing isn’t dead.

And Not Dead = Winning!

I think we can safely say that there is no bar to lower anymore.

Sooooo because why not, I will add short commentary to random BNHA images:

When I lived in the Seattle-area, I took the commuter bus for years. This is a reflection of reality. I started as Bakugou, then Jirou when I got my first iPod and loaded it with Terry Pratchett audio books. Finally, before getting a car, I’d leveled up to Todoroki, feeling comfortable enough to sleep the whole way to work. Got lots of colds while I road the bus.

I know there was chatter about some classes being harder after the switch to remote learning and plenty of teachers were getting flack for not trusting their students, but I think what many didn’t realize (couldn’t realize unless they were still in or close to their coursework) is that flip from in-person to online midstream was terribly disrupting and by definition, any flow or rapport that had been established pre-transition was gone. I had a hard time adjusting as a student and felt myself torn between trying to corral my students and give them space.

This has turned into a Bakugou appreciation post and I’m fine with that.

My autobiography should contain a chapter called “Times My Mouth Got Me In Trouble/Fired” and this is not something that I’ve had a great deal of success in mellowing as I have some of my “other” issues. Yet, the precarity of being a graduate student, even one as financially privileged as myself (family support) but obligation overloaded (same family needs supporting), I may choose my words more carefully? I’m not sure – I think that sentence got away from me.

I never set out to have my students “like” me. I don’t need that. I’m the same age, if not older than their parents. I’m not looking to be buddies. My hope is that they feel like they can learn something from me and see me someone to bounce ideas off of freely. I want them to see me as someone that made them feel like their writing is important and that what they have to say has value. I want them TO ANSWER THEIR DAMN EMAILS!!! <3.

My office is full of notebooks and journal articles and books and grocery bags full of more books and empty Amazon boxes and trash and various folders and some clothes and at least four old laptops/computers and two printers and I really need to clean.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Bakugou Katsuki…a goddamn miracle.

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Writer, teacher, PhD student, former web developer, jerk

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